So I did finally get to experience my first Albanian wedding this past weekend. I’ve had to sit through my host sister’s wedding video (the one who is married and lives in Italy) about 3 times now since I’ve been here (…which is NO easy task because the video is 4 hours long!!). Not sure if I’ve said this yet…but Albanian weddings are a HUGE deal! Sometimes in the villages girls can get married by 16 or 17…though typically it’s in the early 20s. But if you’re not married by your mid-20s, it’s pretty much a crime.
So the tradition is for the couple to have 2 parties…1 for the bride’s side, and 1 for the groom’s. Of course, this means the bride gets 2 different dresses! I attended the bride’s party, which is the first one. Eliza and I started out by going to the house of the bride where everyone goes initially to speak with the elders of the family…grandma, grandpa, and other assortments of old people. We were served coffee (men get raki) and desserts, took our picture with the bride, and then danced a mini circle dance (with traditional accompaniment of clarinet/accordion/drums) paying our respects to the bride.
We then proceeded to the lokal/restaurant where the party was being held. Everyone arrived before the bridal party and we had already started toasting and eating before they got there (much bad beer and rake to go around). There were probably about 100 present. The bride arrived with much dancing of relatives to usher her in and was seated. The person that I initially thought was her groom was actually her oldest brother…the groom didn’t arrive until about 2 hours into the whole thing. Each group of relatives would get up and do a circle dance in honor of the bride (I guess based on their association to the bride, but I’m not really sure). If you were the person leading the dance circle (or if you were elsewhere in it and just that amazing of a dancer!), people would come into the middle and shove money into your hand. At the end of the dance everyone with money would throw it into the c
enter to give it back to the bride to give her a prosperous start to her marriage. I have to say that I did make quite a bit of money. …and while I’m not entirely sure it was so much based on my dancing skills as it was me being the All-American girl…people did ask how many years I’d been in the country because I dance like an Albanian (and were shocked to learn only a month and a half). I also thought about making away with some of the money handed to me (to cushion my volunteer pay a little bit)…but don’t worry, I didn’t!
I had quite my attachment of young Albanian boys to keep me company throughout the event. The bride’s younger brother was quite hurt when I told him that I didn’t really want a younger man. He was super fun to dance with…and not shockingly, he is somehow a cousin of ours. After 2 hours of dancing, the groom and his attaché of relatives (about 10 in total) showed up. The bride and groom danced together, cut the cake, and then toasted each other with champagne. Unfortunately, they were the only ones to get champagne and drank 1 sip and then smashed the full glasses on the floor. A waste of perfectly good champagne if you ask me! More dancing and money throwing ensued and then the groom and his posse left. The groom’s party was the next evening where the couple would be “officially” married.
The one thing that I have to say about most Albanian brides is that they look very unhappy at their weddings. I’m not sure if this is a result of the short length of time they might have known their fiancées (…sometimes girls can be married off within 3 weeks of meeting/dating their husbands…though certainly not always the case)…or if it’s just a cultural thing that they’re expected to look stoic. I did ask my host sister and she said that they are supposed to look sad because they are leaving their family. However…the bride didn’t smile once (seriously!). And in the wedding videos of my host sister she didn’t smile at all either. Call me crazy…but if it’s your freakin wedding day, you should be slightly excited! Albanians typically look a bit more serious in photos anyways…but even outside of the photos the bride didn’t smile. I don’t get it. I asked one of my language teachers (who is getting married in Sept) if she was going to smile at her wedding, and she said absolutely! So that’s encouraging at least!
…whew! So long-winded explanation of wedding extravaganzas! Hopefully I’ll get to go to another soon so I can compare! Hope you enjoyed!
So the tradition is for the couple to have 2 parties…1 for the bride’s side, and 1 for the groom’s. Of course, this means the bride gets 2 different dresses! I attended the bride’s party, which is the first one. Eliza and I started out by going to the house of the bride where everyone goes initially to speak with the elders of the family…grandma, grandpa, and other assortments of old people. We were served coffee (men get raki) and desserts, took our picture with the bride, and then danced a mini circle dance (with traditional accompaniment of clarinet/accordion/drums) paying our respects to the bride.
We then proceeded to the lokal/restaurant where the party was being held. Everyone arrived before the bridal party and we had already started toasting and eating before they got there (much bad beer and rake to go around). There were probably about 100 present. The bride arrived with much dancing of relatives to usher her in and was seated. The person that I initially thought was her groom was actually her oldest brother…the groom didn’t arrive until about 2 hours into the whole thing. Each group of relatives would get up and do a circle dance in honor of the bride (I guess based on their association to the bride, but I’m not really sure). If you were the person leading the dance circle (or if you were elsewhere in it and just that amazing of a dancer!), people would come into the middle and shove money into your hand. At the end of the dance everyone with money would throw it into the c
enter to give it back to the bride to give her a prosperous start to her marriage. I have to say that I did make quite a bit of money. …and while I’m not entirely sure it was so much based on my dancing skills as it was me being the All-American girl…people did ask how many years I’d been in the country because I dance like an Albanian (and were shocked to learn only a month and a half). I also thought about making away with some of the money handed to me (to cushion my volunteer pay a little bit)…but don’t worry, I didn’t!I had quite my attachment of young Albanian boys to keep me company throughout the event. The bride’s younger brother was quite hurt when I told him that I didn’t really want a younger man. He was super fun to dance with…and not shockingly, he is somehow a cousin of ours. After 2 hours of dancing, the groom and his attaché of relatives (about 10 in total) showed up. The bride and groom danced together, cut the cake, and then toasted each other with champagne. Unfortunately, they were the only ones to get champagne and drank 1 sip and then smashed the full glasses on the floor. A waste of perfectly good champagne if you ask me! More dancing and money throwing ensued and then the groom and his posse left. The groom’s party was the next evening where the couple would be “officially” married.
The one thing that I have to say about most Albanian brides is that they look very unhappy at their weddings. I’m not sure if this is a result of the short length of time they might have known their fiancées (…sometimes girls can be married off within 3 weeks of meeting/dating their husbands…though certainly not always the case)…or if it’s just a cultural thing that they’re expected to look stoic. I did ask my host sister and she said that they are supposed to look sad because they are leaving their family. However…the bride didn’t smile once (seriously!). And in the wedding videos of my host sister she didn’t smile at all either. Call me crazy…but if it’s your freakin wedding day, you should be slightly excited! Albanians typically look a bit more serious in photos anyways…but even outside of the photos the bride didn’t smile. I don’t get it. I asked one of my language teachers (who is getting married in Sept) if she was going to smile at her wedding, and she said absolutely! So that’s encouraging at least!
…whew! So long-winded explanation of wedding extravaganzas! Hopefully I’ll get to go to another soon so I can compare! Hope you enjoyed!
3 comments:
Sounds like you had a great time! Keep up your super intercultural escapades. Those folks need to know that they have friends "outside" the village.
Your recounts are just great. Enjoying each and every one.
yes- i see that in the picture the bride does not look very happy at all- it also looks like that picture could have been taken in the 80s.
Great details from Albanian wedding! Just came back from a traditional wedding and super modern reception party of my cousin. The reception held at one of my favorite seaside San Francisco wedding venues. I think couple did great planning and both their events were perfectly balanced.
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